Tag Archives: Human Issues

NFL & Domestic Violence

Posted on Tuesday September 23rd, 2014 by | Comments Off on NFL & Domestic Violence

I’ve been mulling the Rice video and the NFL’s horrible response to it over the last week or so.

First, Domestic Violence is a SOCIETY issue…..not an NFL issue. NFL players are no more likely to beat their partners then the general population, it is actually less common. In fact, POLICE are the worst abusers of DV (power & the blue code of silence enables it) :

Police Have a Much Bigger Domestic Abuse Problem Than the NFL (Must Read)
http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/09/police-officers-who-hit-their-wives-or-girlfriends/380329/?single_page=true

Yet, they get to keep their guns and that is how most women will die in a DV situation.

Second, I believe that Ray Rice needed to be punished, but I don’t believe in banning him where he can’t work. I don’t know if he is a serial abuser or if it was the first time something like this has happened, we won’t know. I believe he and his wife should be helped. Because when you punish him that extensively, you are punishing her.

The NFL has totally screwed up on how they have handled it in todays social media and videos, but if it happened a few years ago….they handled it like they have always handled it…look up the history for both college and NFL football programs and how DV abusers were handled. And like majority of society has handled it, the history as been to ignore it…..it is nothing new, as this article states :

“Violence is tolerated as long as the player performs well and the act doesn’t become a public embarrassment”
http://www.jconline.com/story/sports/nba/pacers/2014/09/12/domestic-violence-advocates-george-failed-realize-impact-domestic-abuse/15511281/

The NFL needs to educate their people and help them, you can’t just punish, you need both. They need to be given a chance until they blow it.

I use to volunteer at a Women’s Shelter in Indiana, did it for almost 10yrs. You learn that it isn’t as simple as “why doesn’t she leave”, you learn that it is more complex, you learn that it can effect anyone, no matter of race, gender, money or social standing. Some just hide it better then others. You think “I won’t put up with it” and then learn that it can be more gradual, more stealthy then an obvious hit.

Stories to help you understand :

#WhyIStayed Stories Reveal Why Domestic Violence Survivors Can’t ‘Just Leave’
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/09/whyistayed-twitter-domestic-violence_n_5790320.html

‘Why Didn’t You Just Leave?’
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/12/why-didnt-you-just-leave_n_5805134.html

It takes an average of 7 times before a victim will leave their abusers and that is if they survive leaving them, some do not.

The emotional and mental abuse will do more damage in the long run then the physical, giving DV victims PTSD.

The pros out of this is that it may be finally shifting the conversation about DV, getting people to acknowledge it, fund the programs that need it, get help. With focusing on the NFL, a highly visible part of society, maybe it can set an example for country and perpetrators of DV that it isn’t acceptable and easily ignored like it use to be.

The cons is the focus is too much on the NFL overall, what about the Police and what about poor women and women of color (who experience DV at a higher then the general population)? Military spouses, made worst by PTSD and when I grew up on Army Posts, it was always worst on pay day due to the drinking.

I’ve seen former wives of high ranking military officers, women of high company executives and poor women a like come through the shelter. I’ve seen a little boy no more then the age of 6 yelling and screaming at his mom, calling her all sorts of names because that is what he grew up seeing. I’ve seen girls getting tied to their abuser in their teenage years and never being able to get out.

And yes, men can be and have been victims of DV, not just women.

This is complex society issue that needs to finally be addressed and not just swept aside as it has been in the past.

An Exit Action Plan For Leaving An Abusive Relationship
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/leaving-an-abusive-relationship_n_5840504.html

How To Stay Safe After Leaving An Abusive Relationship
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/safety-after-leaving-abusive-relationship_n_5840826.html

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Posted in News & Politics, Reflections, Sports

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Touching Base

Posted on Friday May 6th, 2011 by | Comments Off on Touching Base

I really need to start posting here more. I just don’t know to post about anymore. I can always do politics, but I tweet so much about that I don’t know if I really should. I work at home and other then errands and the gym, my face to face interactions with people that I use to comment on is limited.

Totally love that we finally got Osama Bin Laden….but even with that, overall it hasn’t been the best of weeks. Maybe crappy people like Cheney will quit lying about Obama not caring about national security and putting this country in danger.  It help to put that racist birther crap down.  So sad it took that and he showed his birth certificate….total crap.

Monday was a total Monday in the worst way.  And today was blah.  Put on Despicable Me for some much needed laughter  We did have one day that was totally dry and sunny and hit 70!!  Even if that was at 6pm, it was nice.

We finally got our tomato plants this week.  Went for 5 instead of the 3 we did last year.  It looks like some will mature mid summer and the a couple in late summer, my beefsteak ones.  So looking forward to those.  =)

After having a few rough winter months at the gym where we only went 4 days a week, we’ve been going 5 days for about 2 months.  BUT they haven’t been full days.  Mostly cardio.  I really need to get back to my abs and weights.  Getting some of my tummy back, doesn’t help that I’m eating a bit too much of things I shouldn’t be.  So both my eating habits and not doing the full workouts is not helping.  Need to get back on track next week.  Especially the workout part.

I have finally gotten back into  making time for reading, other then my news/political surfing addiction.  Both for magazines I can’t finish at the gym and books.  I’ve added a couple of new mag subscriptions, so now I have Time, Ms, Bitch, Progressive, Washington Monthly, American Prospect and also trying out Nutrition Action for better eating habits.  Don’t expect to totally change too much on eating, just want to be more educated about it.

On books, hubby got me Lyndon Johnson by Doris Kearns Goodwin (he was so complex) and John Paul Stevens by Bill Barnhart and Gene Schilickman (love Supreme Court stuff…lol) for the holidays, I got those read. I finally read One Soldier’s Story by Bob Dole (brought that when it came out…really liked that), Audition by Barbra Walters (learned a lot about what women went through by 1st person), True Compass by Edward M Kennedy (very interesting read), and during all that, finally finished the big one, My Life by Bill Clinton…which was good, but loaded with so much detail….wow.  Currently working on American Gospel by Jon Meacham, about “religion, the Founding Fathers and the Making of a Nation”.  How they counted on religion being in the public sphere without it being in government so not lead to the tyranny like it did Europe.

I did finally get off of my butt and took a photography composition class, wow….so much to learn.  They use so many terms for what is used on a SLR camera.  Going to have to take the class on how to learn to fully use our nikon ds70.  I actually planned on taking that class this semester, but with my luck the ONE day I actually made plans for it, we had other plans….ggeezz..  Normally we don’t do a thing…lol  Going to see about making time to go through the book we brought years ago on the camera and try to apply it. What I really want and need is better weather so I can take it out.  I have cats to take pics of, but they aren’t the most cooperative when you are learning the equipment…..lol  And that is what the stressed in class, know your equipment, know your equipment….so I really need to learn all the little things.  I have my point and shot olympus, but learning the nikon will help me with that also.

Well the day that I was going to take that class on learning the nikon, we went up to our friend’s in Seattle for a Zombie Jesus Party…..lol  I love satire.  I made deviled carbury eggs and very fudgy brownies….I must admit, I LOVE my brownies….grin…hubby made his addicting chili.  We had a great time, but I do have to admit we are old and cranky in that instead of staying overnight there, we came home that night….3hr drive back.  We just love being in our own beds and miss our cats too much.  As we have gotten older, we miss our cats even more….much harder to stay overnight without them.

I did have an issue that came up on my fb that disturbed me in their twisted logic.  Just because I’m an american feminist doesn’t mean that I’m going to hate on Islam.  One of friends on fb was from HS….and I had posted the quote from POTUS’ speech “Our war is not against Islam. Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader – indeed he was a mass murderer of Muslims.”  And what she posted on it, I can’t describe as nothing but hateful and bigoted. And I simply told her that I found it to be that and not post it on my fb, those may be her beliefs but do not post hate on my wall/posts.

And she part of her reply : “I find it difficult to believe that any feminist would ever deem to support a religion that will put women to death for the crime of their own rapes”  I’m like, I don’t support that, hell I do not support any religion.  EVERY religion has been used to justify rape, beating, abuse and slavery….they all suck on that and that is why I don’t like them.  They never follow their positive and good lessons of their religions, but their books are written by men and totally screwed up due to that.

Just because of my dislike of religion and the majority of their leaders, doesn’t mean I’m going to hate on them as a people.  That is no better then what Hilter did the Jews…..and I told her that, she didn’t like that and did one long post accusing me of attacking her beliefs.  I’m just too old for dealing with that…..it is my fb, which has far as I’m concern is my house and I won’t tolerate what I find is hatred and bigotry towards one type of people….so I unfriended her, I don’t need the drama.  I’m sad in that she has so much hatred built up in her.  And I’m not the most positive person in comments about society.

I can’t say that I’ve ever really known any Muslims, I’ve maybe encountered a few in my years of work but my husband served with some and we all know that every religion and race has both good and bad in it.  I did ask one woman about how do you keep the head wraps on and she seemed very happy to share her culture with me.  But I’m not going to judge a whole group of people based on bad ones, most things are cultural…not religious when it comes to things that are done in the name of Islam.  And I go on about the crimes and stuff of Christianity all the time.  But I also know that there are a lot of good people that actually try practice the teachings of Christ, which are good and get lost.  So individually I have no issue with people having their different faiths when it is not twisted to hurt, abuse or mistreat people or forced on me.  But I do have a MAJOR issue with all the evil and bigotry done in the name of religion.

Now hubby will say I’m dwelling on it, maybe I am….but not in the way that I’m upset in the standard sense of the word.  More like it makes me examine things and want to break it down about human nature and myself.  I think if I’m upset about anything it is that horrible generalization she made about being a feminist….like there aren’t Muslim feminists.  It was insulting to me to think that being a feminist meant that I should hate on them…wtf?  I guess I will never get that way of thinking…..maybe happier not to.

If you hadn’t seen, I became a great aunt in Jan.  =)  Very cool……the closest I will ever to being a grandma and that is as close as I want…grin  I will say that I’m not too please about some of the decisions my niece has been making.  Believe she is making them for all the wrong reasons and doesn’t want to work for anything.  Wants everything now and expects it to be easy.  Her sperm donor father coming out in that.  =(  But it is her life to screw up, just worried about my great niece.

Wow after not posting in awhile, this is a long one.  Maybe I’ll do more of it, probably more social commentary.  =)

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Caring About Human Issues

Posted on Sunday May 1st, 2011 by | Comments Off on Caring About Human Issues

As you may have noticed, I do more tweeting then blogging now.  Much quicker on getting out my thoughts.  Yesterday I tweeted this link : The FBI’s Restrictive Definition Of Rape and stated that this needs to be changed.

I received a comment back asking “have you something to talk about you are pretty hardcore on abuse of woman?” I responded back “Nope, just a feminist and every single of one of my close friends have suffered abuse.”  The more I think about it, the more insulting and sexist their question was.

Why do I need to have “something” to talk about to address the issue about the abuse of women? If they actually read the article, it addresses the fact that rape of men are so, so poorly under reported and not even included.  These are issues that effect MEN and WOMEN, not just women.  It is a cycle that we must always work to break.

But then, their comment really had nothing to do with the article, since they didn’t read it, they really don’t see that comments/links I make are not just about women, they are about SOCIETY as a whole.  Why do so many think that women issues are not HUMAN issues, that it does not effect them?

Why can I not talk about it for the simple fact that I am a human and I care about the human condition and ridding the world of violence?  Why must I have story to give a damn?  I actually have had a very good life, especially compared to my friends.  But just because I had a good life doesn’t mean I shouldn’t care about others.  Doesn’t mean that I don’t want others to have what I had, every one deserves to have a good life.

My question to them should’ve been, why don’t you care about these issues? If more people cared and was aware the issues, the violence will go down as we develop programs to address it.

Education and awareness is always the key to changing things.  Which is why slaves where not allowed to learn how to read, it was illegal, why women weren’t allowed to be educated.  An educated person is someone to be reckoned with, you can not just use them, fool them and abuse them.

They also made this comment “They should report any abuse to the authorities or their brothers .I have 0.0 respect for men who abuse woman.”

Ok….good on the zero respect for the abusers and for people who have no actual experience dealing with DV situations….a common comment. Sexist on the brother comment, why must a female always need to get a family man’s protection?  Goes back to the history that women are nothing but property and chattel (which the GOP loves to treat us as).

But it really shows that they do not have any idea what an abuse victim goes through.  All the complex issues that they face, child care, job safety, having a job, lack of family support, the fact that they are re-victimized by the system and it fails them on a continuous basis.  Whether is from failure to enforcing a protective order, to not giving them, to abusers not giving a fig about a piece of paper, to blaming it on the victim.

After volunteering at a women’s shelter for many years, that simple statement that they made, doesn’t work.

More women, men and children are raped or killed by someone they know, not by the hyped up “strange danger”

How are these issues are just about women, when they effect all of us?  And why don’t you care about them?


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