This has not been a good week.
My sister/best friend of 36yrs was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer in Dec ’23. She had been a smoker, but genetically she was going to get cancer regardless it was just a question of where. Her family has a very high cancer rate that most of the women have to start getting mammograms by 20.
She has a very aggressive cancer, we all knew that we are going to lose her to, the question was when. I was hoping for at least 5 years.
They had put her on a very, very aggressive chemo treatment. They told her it may only work for 10 more months…..well, we are past those extra 10 months.
She was to have chemo this last Wednesday, the 18th, but she didn’t think she was going to get it after they were going to see the doctor.
Unfortunately, she was right.
Doctor stated at this point chemo will just make her remaining days worst and will reduce the amount of days she has left. Stated that even if they wanted the chemo, it would be ethically challenging for him. He recommended to focus on treating the effects and hospice.
I’m trying to arrange to get out to Michigan to see her. If I can only make one trip this year, I’d rather miss any service and see her when she is still with us.
I’ve sent her dates from Apr – Jun to choose from. She has a lot of family in Indiana that are going to be heading up to see her. But I really want sooner than later. With no more chemo and the aggressiveness of the cancer…….I don’t see her being able to get through the year. Which I really hope I’m wrong about.
Now the end is so much closer than I ever expected it to be. I have no idea on how I’m going to get through this and to keep the focus all on her where it belongs.
I can talk about things in the “abstract”, but once I start seeing my future without her….I’m not so good. I just can’t accept it in my heart without it drowning me.
I know I’ve been very lucky, in that I still have my parents…..my immediate family. Lost my grandparents over 20yrs ago, and that was hell. But this…..
I don’t understand how my husband has handled losing his brother/best friend in ’09 to brain cancer. That lost still hurts me, must be 100 times worst on my husband.
I really do not know how to describe where she fits in my life, my families life.
Best friend is so high school and doesn’t really convey that she is much more than that. Sister…..she feels closer than that label. The only one that comes close, even if it doesn’t sound close, is life partner.
She is greatly loved on my side of the family. Mom & dad had headed up to Michigan shortly after she was diagnosed.
If her hubby didn’t have a good job that took care of them, we really wanted to them to move to mom & dad’s so they could inherit the house. Just an example of how much part of our family she is.
Words are really lacking in giving a full and correct picture of what she is in our lives. I really, really don’t want to lose her.
I told her that she is ruining my plans. I figured we would out live our husbands and start traveling together.
At this point, I’m just rambling as my thoughts try not to dwell on the on the reason of this post.
Now, I have to stay strong for her, and figure out how to go on without her…….it looks so empty, not having her at my back…..