Category Archives: Silly Stuff

Kathy sent me this one………..I love it!

THE GOOD NAPKINS … Ahhhhh … The joys of having Girls

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar.  I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping “‘napkins” in the bathroom. Didn’t they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for “special occasions” (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months….It’s Thanksgiving Day, and my folks  are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner.  Mom had  assignments for all of us while they were gone.  Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into  laughter.  Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter.  Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a “special occasion” Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn’t hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent  the other adults into further fits of laughter. “But,  Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!”

Pass this on to your girlfriends who need a good laugh or anyone who  has a daughter! Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly….and for heavens sake, use the good napkins whenever you can!

My friend Jessie sent me this one (it is so true):

The  Wal-Mart Greeter (priceless)

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting  woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at  them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart greeter said  pleasantly, “Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart Nice children you have  there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to  say, “Hell no, they ain’t.  The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s  7. Why the hell would you  think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just  stupid?”

“I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am,” replied the greeter. “I  just couldn’t believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you  for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

My dad forwarded this to me………lol

Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He’s lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.  One of them was your wife. Yes I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: “If either of you S.O.B.’s asks her if she knows me, I’llsend you to the electric chair.”