Category Archives: Reflections

NFL & Domestic Violence

I’ve been mulling the Rice video and the NFL’s horrible response to it over the last week or so.

First, Domestic Violence is a SOCIETY issue…..not an NFL issue. NFL players are no more likely to beat their partners then the general population, it is actually less common. In fact, POLICE are the worst abusers of DV (power & the blue code of silence enables it) :

Police Have a Much Bigger Domestic Abuse Problem Than the NFL (Must Read)
http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/09/police-officers-who-hit-their-wives-or-girlfriends/380329/?single_page=true

Yet, they get to keep their guns and that is how most women will die in a DV situation.

Second, I believe that Ray Rice needed to be punished, but I don’t believe in banning him where he can’t work. I don’t know if he is a serial abuser or if it was the first time something like this has happened, we won’t know. I believe he and his wife should be helped. Because when you punish him that extensively, you are punishing her.

The NFL has totally screwed up on how they have handled it in todays social media and videos, but if it happened a few years ago….they handled it like they have always handled it…look up the history for both college and NFL football programs and how DV abusers were handled. And like majority of society has handled it, the history as been to ignore it…..it is nothing new, as this article states :

“Violence is tolerated as long as the player performs well and the act doesn’t become a public embarrassment”
http://www.jconline.com/story/sports/nba/pacers/2014/09/12/domestic-violence-advocates-george-failed-realize-impact-domestic-abuse/15511281/

The NFL needs to educate their people and help them, you can’t just punish, you need both. They need to be given a chance until they blow it.

I use to volunteer at a Women’s Shelter in Indiana, did it for almost 10yrs. You learn that it isn’t as simple as “why doesn’t she leave”, you learn that it is more complex, you learn that it can effect anyone, no matter of race, gender, money or social standing. Some just hide it better then others. You think “I won’t put up with it” and then learn that it can be more gradual, more stealthy then an obvious hit.

Stories to help you understand :

#WhyIStayed Stories Reveal Why Domestic Violence Survivors Can’t ‘Just Leave’
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/09/whyistayed-twitter-domestic-violence_n_5790320.html

‘Why Didn’t You Just Leave?’
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/12/why-didnt-you-just-leave_n_5805134.html

It takes an average of 7 times before a victim will leave their abusers and that is if they survive leaving them, some do not.

The emotional and mental abuse will do more damage in the long run then the physical, giving DV victims PTSD.

The pros out of this is that it may be finally shifting the conversation about DV, getting people to acknowledge it, fund the programs that need it, get help. With focusing on the NFL, a highly visible part of society, maybe it can set an example for country and perpetrators of DV that it isn’t acceptable and easily ignored like it use to be.

The cons is the focus is too much on the NFL overall, what about the Police and what about poor women and women of color (who experience DV at a higher then the general population)? Military spouses, made worst by PTSD and when I grew up on Army Posts, it was always worst on pay day due to the drinking.

I’ve seen former wives of high ranking military officers, women of high company executives and poor women a like come through the shelter. I’ve seen a little boy no more then the age of 6 yelling and screaming at his mom, calling her all sorts of names because that is what he grew up seeing. I’ve seen girls getting tied to their abuser in their teenage years and never being able to get out.

And yes, men can be and have been victims of DV, not just women.

This is complex society issue that needs to finally be addressed and not just swept aside as it has been in the past.

An Exit Action Plan For Leaving An Abusive Relationship
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/leaving-an-abusive-relationship_n_5840504.html

How To Stay Safe After Leaving An Abusive Relationship
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/safety-after-leaving-abusive-relationship_n_5840826.html

Social Media & The New Feminist Wave

What an age we are now living in when it comes to communication. Con wise, we seemed to have become more partisan, but there is a greater awareness of issues that didn’t seem to exist before.

Looking at it through the issues that are normally swept aside because they are considered “women” issues and not humanity issues, social media has been huge.

I love the fact that a new generation of women and discovering feminism and learning and fighting against the misconception that it is about man-hating. That ignorance about feminism as always driven me nuts….

Women who have grown up being told by their parents that they can be anything, do anything are finding that the majority of the other half of the race doesn’t believe that. That it is institutionalized. They are finding that with social media they don’t have to be forced into silencing what they have experienced (rape, sexual harassment and now domestic violence (DV)). Many things that have been swept under the rug and ignored. They are tired of the double standards, the slut shaming, blaming the victim…they are making society notice them and the social ills we have and what they face.

If you would’ve told me a few years ago that colleges will be finally forced to face the rape culture or the due to the Rice video, that society is finally facing our DV culture I would’ve said “I hope so, but don’t hold your breath”.

It does bother me when people try to pigeon hole feminism. Just because you enjoy, celebrate your sexuality doesn’t mean you can’t be a feminist. Which some argue about Beyonce or Nicki Minaj…saying they help with the objectification of women. When you are controlling your own images and not allowing it to define you, you aren’t allowing others to objectify you. You are celebrating one of the many things that makes us human…..we are intellects, sisters, mothers, professionals, daughters, wives and yes, sexual beings. We should not be forced to deny that or any other part of us.

I love that we have such a diverse group of women finally standing up and claiming their feminism. From Beyonce (which is great on getting more and more younger women to explore and learn about it), Emma Watson speaking at the UN, Taylor Swift finally realizing and claiming the feminist label and men who freely claim the label, such as Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

The term Feminist has been so twisted and misused that it gives me hope to see being finally reclaimed for what it actually means :

“the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities” (Merriam-Webster)

Thoughts of the Day

“In Philadelphia, I inadvertently came upon an edition of Robert Ingersoll’s Essays and Lectures. This was an exciting discovery; his atheism confirmed my own belief that the horrific cruelty of the Old Testament was degrading to the human spirit.”
— Charlie Chaplain, My Autobiography (1964), cited in Who’s Who in Hell by Warren Allen Smith

“The thoughts of the gods are not more unchangeable than those of the men who interpret them. They advance—but they always lag behind the thoughts of men. . . . The Christian God was once a Jew. Now he is an anti-Semite.”
— Anatole France, letter to the Freethought Congress at Paris (1905), cited by Joseph McCabe, Biographical Dictionary of Modern Rationalists

http://ffrf.org/day/view/04/16/

“Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear. . . . Do not be frightened from this inquiry by any fear of its consequences. If it ends in a belief that there is no God, you will find inducements to virtue in the comfort and pleasantness you feel in its exercise, and the love of others which it will procure you.”
— Thomas Jefferson’s letter to nephew Peter Carr, written from Paris, Aug. 10, 1787
“Free thought means fearless thought. It is not deterred by legal penalties, nor by spiritual consequences. Dissent from the Bible does not alarm the true investigator, who takes truth for authority not authority for truth. The thinker who is really free, is independent; he is under no dread; he yields to no menace; he is not dismayed by law, nor custom, nor pulpits, nor society—whose opinion appals so many. He who has the manly passion of free thought, has no fear of anything, save the fear of error.”
— George Jacob Holyoake, The Origin and Nature of Secularism, Ch. 3 (1896)

“Gullibility and credulity are considered undesirable qualities in every department of human life—except religion . . . Why are we praised by godly men for surrendering our ‘godly gift’ of reason when we cross their mental thresholds? . . . Atheism strikes me as morally superior, as well as intellectually superior, to religion. Since it is obviously inconceivable that all religions can be right, the most reasonable conclusion is that they are all wrong.”
— Christopher Hitchens, “The Lord and the Intellectuals,” Harper’s (July 1982), cited by James A. Haught in 2,000 Years of Disbelief (1996)

http://ffrf.org/day/view/04/13/

“When one guy sees an invisible man he’s a nut case. Ten people see him it’s a cult. Ten million people see him it’s a respected religion.”
— Richard Jeni, from richardjeni.com

“That’s all religion is — some principle you believe in . . . man has accomplished far more miracles than the God he invented. What a tragedy it is to invent a God and then suffer to keep him King.”
— Rod Steiger, in Playboy magazine (July interview, 1969)

http://ffrf.org/day/view/04/14/

Thoughts of the Day

Do Unto Others?

‘Love thy neighbor as thyself?’
Hide that motto on the shelf!
Let it lie there, keep it idle
Especially if you’re suicidal.

Realist

‘For what we are about to receive,
Oh Lord, ’tis Thee we thank,’
Said the Cannibal as he cut a slice
Of the missionary’s shank.

— Yip Harburg, Rhymes for the Irreverent (1965). His two rhymebooks are available for sale from FFRF at our bookstore.

“I look forward to receiving 20 emails saying, ‘Hey, I noticed you’re not religious. Look at your fingerprint. Doesn’t that prove that there is a creator, because your fingerprint is completely unique.’ Um, no. Doesn’t.”

— “The Atheist’s Puzzle,” Oct. 19, 2010, youtube.com/alexday

http://ffrf.org/day/view/04/08/

“Universalists believe in a god which I do not; but believe that their god, with all his moral attributes, (aside from nature itself,) is nothing more than a chimera of their own imagination.”

— Letter by Abner Kneeland to Universalist editor Thomas Whittemore, Dec. 20, 1833, published by Abner Kneeland in the Investigator, for which he was tried and convicted of blasphemy

“Another important doctrine of the Christian religion, is the atonement supposed to have been made by the death and sufferings of the pretended Saviour of the world; and this is grounded upon principles as regardless of justice as the doctrine of original sin. It exhibits a spectacle truly distressing to the feelings of the benevolent mind, it calls innocence and virtue into a scene of suffering, and reputed guilt, in order to destroy the injurious effects of real vice. It pretends to free the world from the fatal effects of a primary apostacy, by the sacrifice of an innocent being. Evil has already been introduced into the world, and in order to remove it, a fresh accumulation of crimes becomes necessary. In plain terms, to destroy one evil, another must be committed.”

— Elihu Palmer, Principles of Nature; or, A Development of the Moral Causes of Happiness and Misery among the Human Species, 1801

http://ffrf.org/day/view/04/07/

“Every time you understand something, religion becomes less likely. Only with the discovery of the double helix and the ensuing genetic revolution have we had grounds for thinking that the powers held traditionally to be the exclusive property of the gods might one day be ours. . . .

[As a young man ] I came to the conclusion that the church was just a bunch of fascists that supported Franco. I stopped going on Sunday mornings and watched the birds with my father instead.”

— Dr. James Watson, London Telegraph, March 22, 2003

“How have so-called psychics been able to mystify representative scientists such as Sir William Crookes, Sir Oliver Lodge, William James, and the French physiologist, Charles Richet — men of supposedly straight-thinking, analytical minds? To say nothing of such eminent writers as the sincere, though deluded, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes.

“I believe the kernel of the matter is that scientists, philosophers, and psychologists live in circles where honesty is taken for granted. It is inconceivable to them that such gross deception could be practiced. They fail to realize that they’re working hand in glove with members of one of the most unclean professions in the world.”

— Harry Houdini, “Tricks of Fake Mediums,” Liberty magazine, April 25, 1925

http://ffrf.org/day/view/04/06/

“I’d been on patrol, and I went to church that evening. It was an Anglican church, quite high church (I always liked the ceremony) and I was standing up, reciting the Apostles’ Creed (which to this day I could recite word for word) and suddenly I realized I didn’t believe a word of it, and probably never had. And I never went back to church after that, except for the occasional funeral.”

— Arthur Hailey, in Walden Book Report, July 1998

“Seeing there are no signs nor fruit of religion but in man only, there is no cause to doubt but that the seed of religion is also only in man. . .”

“Fear of power invisible, feigned by the mind or imagined from tales publicly allowed, RELIGION; not allowed, SUPERSTITION.”

“They that approve a private opinion, call it opinion; but they that mislike it, heresy; and yet heresy signifies no more than private opinion.”

— Sir Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan, 1651

http://ffrf.org/day/view/04/05/

Thoughts of the Day

“I brought the case because I wanted to encourage toleration among my children. I certainly did not want teachers who have control over my children for at least eight hours over the day to . . . program them into any religious philosophy.”

— Ishmael Jaffree, acceptance speech for “Freethinker of the Year 1985,” awarded by the Freedom From Religion Foundation

“The greatest difference between the Humanist ethic and that of Christianity and the traditional religions is that it is entirely based on happiness in this one and only life and not concerned with a realm of supernatural immortality and the glory of God. Humanism denies the philosophical and psychological dualism of soul and body and contends that a human being is a oneness of mind, personality, and physical organism. Christian insistence on the resurrection of the body and personal immortality has often cut the nerve of effective action here and now, and has led to the neglect of present human welfare and happiness.”

— Corliss Lamont, “The Affirmative Ethics of Humanism,” The Humanist, March/April 1980

“I’m a nonbeliever. I don’t believe in the existence of a God. I don’t believe in the Christian dogma. I find it horrifyingly silly.The intolerance that flows from organized religion is the most dangerous thing on the planet.”

— Jane Rule, Brave Souls: Writers and Artists Wrestle with God, Love, Death and the Things that Matter by Douglas Todd (1996), cited by Celebrity Atheists website.

http://ffrf.org/day/view/03/28/

“Being an atheist is a matter not of moral choice, but of human obligation.”
— John Fowles, quoted in The New York Times Book Review (May 31, 1998)

http://ffrf.org/day/view/03/31/