Category Archives: Family Stuff

Exhausting Week & Playing Catch Up

It has been exhausting.  Finally taking a breather and watching The Silver Streak.

We left by 05:15 Sunday and made much better time getting to the border then we expected, even through we hit some bad storms south of Olympia.  We didn’t expect to get there until 11-11:30…got there just after 10:00.  We got to the hotel had time to kill before we could get our room, so had a breakfast that just didn’t sit well at all.  I think it didn’t feel right since we have been up for 7hrs and it was sweet.

We were exhausted and so totally not looking forward to what we were getting ready to face.  So we tried to lay down for about 3hrs and get some sleep……didn’t quite work.  But it did help some.  We dressed with heavy heart so not wanting to face Diesel’s death.

We got inside the funeral home and they had board up with some pics of Diesel & his family, with notes from his boys.  When we walked into the viewing room, it was hard.  We went and hugged Liza, the oldest son Jon was holding up, but when I went to hug the youngest son Dylan, he just started to cry so hard.  Harold went to hug him and he just jumped into his arms and won’t let go.  He just lost it.  It was so hard…….

They had Diesel in his Navy Dress Blues and he had a smile on his face.  Looked like he was about to wake up and tell a joke….it was perfect with who he was.  He did looked a little crunched around his shoulders in the casket, but it worked since he was such a big man in that was a normal look at times.

It was so hard, we choked up so many times and lost it a few.  One of the times that I hugged Liza, we just held each other so hard as we cried.

The viewings was different from what we are use to.  Most viewings you just wander around visiting and paying your respect, here they actually had a service.  Diesel and his wife belong to a nontraditional church that is mainly made up of Philippines, so they do it a little different.  So us nonchurch members felt kind of off balance knowing what to do, but I really did like the support that the church gave Liza and I really hope that it helped to comfort her some.  I really liked the funny pictures during the slid show, that they showed of Diesel that got all of us laughing.

Like most of these types of events you ended up seeing people you haven’t seen in years…which is sad, because we love visiting with all of D’s family.  We actually made sure to get everyone’s contact info.  A lot of us are gathering our pictures of Diesel and sharing them.

Liza and the boys started to lose it when the did one last viewing before they closed the casket and then when they took it out and they followed…..oh boy…everyone lost it, especially the Dylan.  =(  They looked so alone that my heart just felt crushed…..

We couldn’t get the 21 gun salute.  =(  Due to passports and weapons.  But we did get the flag presentation and taps.  I keep expecting to hear the guns….  =(

They had 8 pallor bearers due to the D’s size and that didn’t seem like enough.  You can see them struggling over the uneven ground.  We later said that Diesel was probably laughing at them.  But they got him set up and he was sent off with honor.

At Liza’s request she watched them lower him down with the roses and flowers that she wanted everyone to place on him, entombed him and finished burying him.  It was touching and so final. =(

We all went over to their house and shared in our memories of Diesel. By the time we got back to the hotel we just wanted to chill out so we ordered room service and just relaxed.

We left early Wed and got through the border better quick and totally lucked out on the express way being open south bound through Seattle.  We saved at least 30min off of our time.

Once we got home, I have just been working since I had payroll and 4 days of catch up.  Today is really the 1st day that I’ve had time to do things for myself.  Watched a local parade, vacuumed the house, replaced my lost ringers and did a few errands.

On life goes on…

Fact: Ferrets attack more people then Gr

We have been home for 2 days and I am just starting to feel myself again.

The funeral was pretty hard to do, when they closed the casket so many people started to cry (including myself) and when we pall barriers walked the casket out I somehow got to be the first one to lead the casket out, not sure how that happen, but it happen and it was hard, I cried the entire way and really needed to blow my nose the entire way. Liza and the boys really lost it on the way out and it was noticeable, I even didn’t have to turn around to see who it was.

I never been to a funeral where there was 8 pall barriers and we was all making fun of that and talking how big Diesel was etc and now that it’s over all I can say is HOLY FUCK I’M GLAD THERE WAS 8 OF US! He weighed a fucking ton. And when we carried him to the grave site we was only allowed to use one hand and we had to wear white gloves which made it harder, the ground wasn’t even and we was all petrified we would fall, but we didn’t and he was sent off with honor.

After that we went to Liza’s and had a gathering and just talked the afternoon away, we got back to the hotel around 5pm and got room service and just chilled out. I had very little booze left and tried to go to bed early but as soon as I was close to falling asleep I had an anxiety attack which pretty much kept me up the entire night. We left at 7am and were home by 1pm and over all it was a good drive home.

We did the gym Thursday and overall I did really well unlike today when the second I got the treadmill which is upstairs I knew I was in trouble, it was so hot and muggy it felt like Florida. On a normal day I can easily run 1-1.5 miles before I start to breathe hard and today I was gasping for air after 1/4 mile so after I passed the 1 mile mark I just said fuck it and did a 5 minute walk and got off the treadmill. This was the first time since I broke the 2 mile barrier I didn’t run 2 miles. I started to do my sit-ups and after 200 of the usual 400 I said fuck that too and called it a day.

So I am in a pissy mood as I sat in the Jeep with the a/c running until Pauline finished her workout and we went to the store where they was having a 1980’s day and wow, talk about funny, that really made my day better, these workers really went all out.

We also finally broke down and bought a new grill which was something we wanted to get for a year or more. And I cooked up some killer rib eye steak, baked potatoes, corn on the cob and asparagus. Turned out pretty good, I just wish I waited for the sun to go down; it was at its peak angle where the grill is so it made it pretty hot and uncomfortable.

We are watching Kevin Smith Threeeving and I’m sure we will like it as much as we liked the first two.

Did I mention it’s too fucking hot?

Oh Canada…. not again…

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We got in around 10 am Sunday, which was about 2 hours earlier then as expected, so when we checked in the hotel we had to wait 45 mins for our room which is no biggie, we ate some breakfast that we both regretted, sometimes you want to eat sweet and sometimes you don’t and this was a time we didn’t. We got into our room and took a 3 hour “nap” that really helped, but wasn’t enough to make the day any better.

We arrived at the funeral home and hugged D’s wife Liza and the oldest son J who was doing ok, sad but not crying, as I was hugging him the youngest son D was hugging Pauline and he started to cry than he jumped toward my arms and really broke down crying hard as he death gripped my neck and he cried and cried hard for 10+ minutes… and all I could do was hold him and cry, that so broke my heart as it has never been broke before, I will remember that moment for the rest of my life.

Diesel and his wife belong to a nontraditional Christian church which is made up of about 99% Asians and they have nontraditional way doing things.   So the funny thing was watching all us non Asians trying to figure out wtf is going on and we was all in the front rows, so we was turning around to see what everyone behind us was doing.

They gave some sermons and told some biblical stories that had nothing to do with the Diesel we knew, but they showed a funny slide show of Diesel from his life that got us all laughing, Pauline and I was in a pic that neither of us remember when and where it was taken, and I was in a few more pictures from the wedding.

After we went to the reception room to eat and talk and just comfort each other, it was so wonderful to see our friends, some of them I have known for over 18 years. Some of us are still in shock; some of us are laughing our way through all this.

Diesel is in his Navy Dress Blues and we put some Crown Royal, popcorn, a DVD, and some BBQ spice in his coffin. D looks pretty good for a dead guy, he looks “stuffed” into the coffin which made us all laugh, and he has a smirk on his face that as one of us said “that he just won his last argument” which was so him.

We tried to get an honor guard from the US Navy here, but found out today not enough of them have passports and Canada wasn’t too keen on allowing the US Military into Canada with weapons, so we will have a bugler playing taps and they will do the Flag ceremony.

Warning: Very Sad Post

I know, I know….I haven’t done an actually post in awhile. I think I have gotten too dependent on twitter. But it is addicting when you have a thought that you want to get out quickly. I am one of those that needs to do that, if I don’t I totally forget what I want to say….annoying.

So here is a warning, this entry is probably a downer….so if you don’t want to hear anymore, I wouldn’t go any further if I was you.

If you have been following my tweets, you will know that we lost Harold’s brother. They served together in the Navy almost 20yrs ago and were very close. Like my dad texted me “There is no greater loss then a brother in arms” =(

Diesel has been fighting brain cancer for over 2yrs and had 2 young boys with his wife. He had always wanted kids, so the fracked up thing is that he finally got them and now he isn’t able to see them grow up. =( He was so looking forward to taking them to where he grew up in the south and meeting the rest of his family. So they can see how different it is then living in Canada.

We have been just trying to go day by day and get ready for our trip up. There are times where it feels like it is going to hit and we choke up but work our way through it. We pretty much have been trying to distract ourselves. We are so not looking forward to the next few days…..we are going to lose it. Sometimes I can go on as if a regular day, but then it hits me and I just want to lose it….but I guess that is part of grieving. =(

There are 2 days of viewing and then the services, there are people flying from all over the world. Diesel served 20yrs in the Navy and had make a ton of friends. He always seemed to be the one link that kept everyone connected.

We got a call yesterday and Harold is going to be one of the pall bearers.

I know I so over packed. But the viewing is 4hrs and then you have the rest of the day. We had already gotten ourselves clothes for 1 viewing and the service, didn’t think of a 2nd viewing. So luckily we have lost weight and was able to fit into some of our nice clothes that we had already. Harold was easy to figure out, only really had 1 other outfit….me, I’m really not sure. I have a few different things that I can do, but will just have to try a few things on and have hubby help me with that. We’ll wear those for the 1st night. But I’m so not use to packing clothes that you try to keep wrinkle free anymore, made it even hard to pack. Good thing the hotel has an iron for touch up.

I so hope Drew doesn’t attack our plants again while we are gone. We think he did it out of boredom last time and we just missed it by a few hours. Harold was not happy….dirty was everywhere the little bugger. Still going to miss our babies. =( They really help on making us laugh when we feel so down.

On a lighter side, I’ve received 2 more compliments from people at the gym and from 2 of our friends that we just saw for the 1st time in a while. The gym ones total throw me off, one even toward me that I’m an inspiration because I keep coming in regardless of how much I already lost.

Yes, I know I’ve lost weight and I do notice, but I really didn’t think it was that noticeable where strangers would notice. Well, they are strangers in that I don’t know them. But they aren’t in that we’ve been seeing them in the gym for the last year & half. You get use to seeing the same 20-30 everyday when you go at the same time. =) But Harold did tell me that it is more noticeable then I realize.

It feels good, but totally weird. Because I still want to get rid of 8# of jiggle and tone up some more. But that is so female, never satisfied. =)

I got as much work as I can get done. I have payroll to do on the 15th, but I won’t be here for it. Everyone has been given a heads up that they will be late. I’m so not looking forward to the email and the pay requests that will be waiting for me when we get back, but that is life and I’ll just take it one thing at a time.

Well, need to get my butt to bed. 04:30 comes early…icks

My Brother died of Cancer today…

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Diesel died at 12:15 am 07/09/2009.

We went to bed somewhat late, and both pretty much passed out when the phone rang at 12:39 am. It took a few seconds to realize it was my phone and it was going off since we was both in “la la land” at the time, so when I picked it up I saw the area code 778 and for whatever reason I thought “New York” and I don’t know anyone from that number, so fuck’em…. and went back to sleep.

When I got up at 8am and saw my voice mail I saw “British Columbia” (which is what I hate about the iPhone, it doesn’t say where the call is coming from, just the # that is calling if they are not on my list) and the only area code I knew from BC is 604, so the second I saw someone from BC called me I knew.

It was Diesel’s wife Liza and she she he died in his sleep. I called her and we talk for s few minutes and she told me we was the first people she called, so yeah, I totally feel like a piece of shit for not answering.

Still not sure when the viewing and funeral etc will be, but friends/family are starting to fly in from Japan this weekend as well as from all over the US and Canada, so we will be going up to Canada Sunday night and odds are we will be there for 3-4 days.

Right now I am waiting on the wife to shower so we can go find me something to wear, which if you know me, you know how I *HATE* shopping for clothes, so this will be fun, just love the idea of spending $ on something I don’t want and wont wear more than once.

I am still in shock somewhat, I am at peace right now knowing he is at peace, but the second I think of his boys, ages 7 and 5…

Fuck Off Cancer.

I miss my Brother.