Author Archives: Pauline

Lows & Highs

Posted on Saturday June 5th, 2021 | Comments Off on Lows & Highs

It has been mix the last few weeks…..both stressful and some relief.

Work has been stressful.  I actually had to go to the one manager that I don’t deal with very much or care do so.  But she actually works and gives a damn.  So I brought things up that need to be addressed, found out I was the 8th person to come to her.  

I was actually dreading to come into work….I may not want to go to work at times, but dreading it is not me.  

In nutshell, it is retail, it has been hell the last 18months.  Never had our seasonal slow down, just been fricking nuts the whole time.  People being even more abusive and entitled as ever…..gggrrrr   While we can’t get enough people to work, can’t past the drug test, or they don’t last long. 

Then we lost our good store manager to a higher volume store, we have 3 new to the company ASMs and 1 experienced…..the 3 new ones either don’t know or want to know the nuts and bolts or they are on their phone or in their office talking….not on the floor.

Drew still eating/demanding and purring, but so skinny, more time just laying there.  I’m justing feeling that it won’t be much longer.  Getting more time with him, has been the positive and as of this month, he is 13.

Finally had my annual……gained weight, cholesterol and sugar needs work.  =(  Not happy at all about that.  We have been eating more pizza then we should, too much take out, I’ve been eating more junk offered to me at work and I’m only going on walks on my days off, not before work…..so overall, I need to get it turned around, but stress doesn’t help.

Had a freak out at the beginning of the week. There was an ACH withdrawal on our bank account that I did not authorized…..after hitting up the payment processor it was under, our landlord, was very relieved to find that it was our credit union system error that they were fixing.  At least we weren’t hacked.  =)

Now that is all the stressful, not very positive part.

The good part is I’m off until the 14th. Couldn’t pull off heading out to Indiana this year, but looking forward to chilling out a little this week.  I’ve made me my list of things that I need/want to get done.  I did a list on my last day off, and got a huge amount done….felt good.  Would like to get something done this week.

Thinking of getting my hair colored, if they are opened….possibility a pedi…

Loved how today started….one I don’t have to get ready for work next week….lol  Two, it is no longer unseasonably hot…..able to turn off the ACs, it was overcast and a chilly. …even got a down pour of rain, of course without my rain jacket…lol  LOVED it…..

Now during my freak out about the bank mess up, learned that our complex little gym should be opening up soon!!!  Boy did it give me a light at the end of the tunnel.

Went for my walk today, I always go past the gym and I noticed the sign that they were closed was removed.  So I took my key fob to the door, it unlocked like normal but this time it actually opened!!!  I’m so psyched!

It made it hard to do the walk, I just wanted the gym….lol  But I got over 6 miles in and at a better rate than I’ve had been doing, didn’t feel the shin splints.

So I’ve been waiting for an email from them all day to say that it is open and what the rules are going to be.  It hasn’t come…..but I don’t give a damn!  I’m getting up early and heading over!  I’m so excited!!  Perfect way to start my week off.  =)

It’ll be the first time back at the gym since I got the apple watch (so I’m not sure how that it is going to work with it) and since I got the shin splints.  I’m going to start on the elliptical, listen to my music and read my book.  Hoping to get back on track this week, so I can start doing it before work again.

Hoping that will also help get me back on track on eating.  I’m so geeked to get back to the gym!!!  Major stress reliever  =)

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Days Off & Drew Update

Posted on Tuesday May 25th, 2021 | Comments Off on Days Off & Drew Update

We had the last 4 days off. We got a few things done around the house, I got shopping done Sunday.  Spent time together binge watching Star Trek Discovery, it was nice. I really enjoyed it and would like more. =)

It really made me missed from when we use to work from home.  

Really not wanting to go in tomorrow….lol  And I’ve done everything to not think about work the last 4 days.

We are major home bodies, once we are home.  

Unlike the majority of the country, other than social distancing, masks, and no gym our personal lives hadn’t changed.  

We were very lucky that covid didn’t cost us our jobs, but in many ways it added so much more stress…..between losing co-workers at times due to medical emergences/scares, and increase business at work, we never had our normal winter slow down to catch our breath. Just seems never ending busy….especially with staffing shortages.

The really reason for today’s writing is an update on our baby Drew.  

When I took him in to the specialist in Jan, the vet stated that most aggressive treatment for his lymphoma, would include surgery and chemo would cost $600-$900 a week for 2-3 months and in his experience, the cats he treated only lasted 4 months.

Well, no way we could afford that and, even if we could, we won’t want to put him through all that, be miserable and then lose him.  We wanted quality.

So we were given a steroid for pain management and to help reduce that lump at his throat.  I loved when that lump was no longer obvious.  Felt like we got some of him back

It also increased his appetite.  Just so I know how he is eating and making sure he gets nutrition, I’ve been feeding him prescribed wet food, twice a day.  With the high calorie food and the appetite increase, our skinny cat actually got a small belly.

He also knew something was up, we allowed him human food for the first time. He became very demanding….in the kitchen as soon as I was in there….lol

Well, it has been over 5 months since the specialist vet and his lump is coming back, he is still eating, the belly is still there, but his backend has lost what little he had.

I’ve increased his dosage, just want to make sure that it helps with his pain and if it can reduce that lump at all, I’ll take it.

He still purrs like crazy when brushing, he demands it…..not playing like he was a few months ago, when we were alone without the other 2 kitties.  He’ll go and bop the heck out of Anastasia and Gimli and make them back down.  He is not getting that glazed look….his looks are more of why are you not feeding/petting me.  He is still settling next to me in bed, but as ToRn and talked the other day, we don’t have much time left with our Drew Brees. He will be 13 in June…..we are just taking one day at time, but time is getting short and we are lucky it has been over 5 months.

It doesn’t help that we just lost his sister, Sakura, very quickly last Dec and sometimes if he looks a certain way, he reminds me of her.  I can’t always handle pictures of her, because I keep wondering what if…..she is first that we had lost so quickly. So I know that neither of us have recovered from her lost.

Our other four babies, we knew when it was coming.  It helped to make the pictures bitter sweet and but don’t make me feel that I had failed them….we knew we did the right thing, even though it hurts like you are ripping out your heart.

Anastasia and Gimli make us laugh…..that helps a lot.  

Gimli is such goof ball. He may out weigh his sister, but she jumps without an issue and does not back down…lol They are both loud at meowing at us when they want something…..holy cow, sometimes it sounds so pathetic as if we never feed them…lol  We feel sorry for our neighbors below us, our cats are loud when they are chasing each other…lol

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2nd Covid Shot & Life Changes

Posted on Sunday May 9th, 2021 | Comments Off on 2nd Covid Shot & Life Changes

Very pleased to announce that we got our 2nd Covid 19 shot. We got it this past Friday. It is one stress off of our minds.

We’ll probably have to get boosters in the future, but very pleased to get the vaccine taken care of.

Friday when I went for my walk, I didn’t feel any issues with my leg. So I actually was able to do some of my normal occasional jog sprints in the first 2 miles. Spent the next 3 miles hike around and exploring some of the trails.

So I ended that round of exercise feeling better good. Didn’t work out that well the next day ? I was sore all day, I did get a walk in, without the occasional job sprint. Today, wasn’t feeling any of pain, but didn’t push it too much.

I just want to get over the shin splints and focus on getting my jogging sprints in. To keep myself from over doing it, I started to surf/read as I walk. When I started back on my walks, I made a point to not to do that and to focus on my time/pace.

I really just want to the gym to open up, then I would get back to working out before work and I would feel much better about myself, exercise wise.

Today I called mom on my walk to wish her Happy Mother’s Day and ended up face timing. With dad asking where is bigfoot…lol

I really do miss my folks ?

The closing of my department has not gone smoothly at all. I know that they have been doing this back east for few years, using a call center, but there really was no roll plan on who was responsible for what. The duties of my department are to be broken down to other departments, that are currently overwhelmed and understaffed….but none of what told what went to who.

Due to all the issues in our market, I’m still in my office and starting this week, we are having conference calls to both give us guidance and bring up our concerns and issues. that the call center is having.

The new call center is so new, that I’ve spent time training them when they call the store.

I’m hoping with the new guidance that we can start shifting. The market manager of our department wants to convince them to keep a coordinator for the now “closed” department. I have a sales specialist that wants me to be their partner on bringing in the sales and pushing our store to the next level.

During at all this, I’ve had more then one person say that they don’t know how things would get done without me.

I may be losing my mind and stressing out with so much to do, but at least I feel that some folks know what I do and appreciate it. That feels good.

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Stressful Week

Posted on Saturday April 17th, 2021 | Comments Off on Stressful Week

It has been a very stressful week.

When I just think about it, it totally stresses me out.

I have one set of managers telling me one thing and another telling me something else. And I really do NOT want to be under one ASM.  Do not trust them.

I think that part of it is that over the last few years that I’ve seen the demands that have been added to the department managers without any tools to help.  And I feel as that I’m being set up to fail.

If we could have afford it, I would have just stepped down to a CSA….less crap to deal with.

Then when I ask how am I going to learn my new position when they keep coming to me for my old one?  I was told to “walk away’.  How the hell do I walk away from something that I’ve been responsible for 5yrs now?  When I actually take ownership and give a damn?

Now that is just work.

ToRn hurt his back/side muscle. There was a huge pop the Tuesday night and we thought his rib was broken.

He went to urgent care Wed…..no broken rib, may have torn the muscle.  He is fine until he sneezes, coughs, blows his nose or anything that.  It puts him into extreme pain.

End up with 3 days off from work and then his weekend off.  Back to work, carefully Monday.

He is taking it better then me…..lol

I still can’t do any jogging on my walks….shins hurt….it is annoying as hell….feels like I’m not getting much exercise in at all.  I even took last week off, well the 2 days I was going to do my walk before work.  I’ve been too stressed and needed to get some sleep.  

Actually, the more I think about it, the more it has to do with the fact that I do not have a gym and it stresses me out.  I need the gym for what works for me.

Oh yeah sleep….what the hell is that?  I’m have hot flashes left and right and they suck!  One minute I’m chilled, the next I’m so hot I’m about to have a panic attack.  I have my annual doctor’s exam at the end of May, so I’ll ask her about it.

Online it states that stress makes it worst…..oh yeah, like getting rid of that is going to happen. And losing weight it helps….maybe if I had a f’ing gym!

Doesn’t help that the loss of our baby girl Sakura hits me out of the blue.  It seemed to happen so fast, so out of no where.  I’m second guessing everything we did, even though it was the right thing.  I feel so guilty as if I had let her down.  

I just really miss her furry face, the way she was so possessive and demanding of ToRn.

It has always been rough as hell when we lost one of our babies, but hers is really hurting more.

This weekend, I’m just trying to chill out and fight the urge to hide and fight this depression that wants to take over.

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Last Few Weeks

Posted on Saturday April 10th, 2021 | Comments Off on Last Few Weeks

We got our 1st covid shot yesterday. Other than a sore arm from shot, no issues.
A small stress has been relieved. Once we get the 2nd shot….that would be very nice

One other good thing, the current word press blog update sends out a notice which plugin is creating the issue, and crashing the site, so you aren’t wandering around trying to delete things hoping that it is the issue. And it gives you a link do to it in recovery mode.

So after almost 2yrs years it is back online. I did do a few posts from what I did on facebook the last few months….they have been post dated to when I originally wrote them.

Looks like some of my plugins no longer work, many are outdated and haven’t been updated in years. Didn’t dawn on me that I’ve had my blog that long.

Like one of them is no longer updating my tweets into a daily blog post. But it may be that is good thing. My blog just became a bunch of tweet blogs over the years…..so I found a plugin that works, that updates a side bar with my tweets/retweets.

It feels good to have it back up…..I miss my getting my thoughts out on my blog….it may be public, but it is like a diary of venting.

It has been a rough few weeks in general.

My work…..I just don’t know what I’m suppose to be doing in this transition. It got to the point that I emailed my district manager and asked him. Then I told him that was the information that the market install teams have been needing and that the lack of communication has been horrible on moral and we don’t feel appreciated.
I’m trying to pull myself out of installs. Because how am I going to learn my new position and be able to do it my new position if I can’t get out of my old position?

But then they don’t know what they are doing with me.

At first we were going to have me a partial department manager of millworks, then being a floating specialty manager. Then I was going to be a full time millworks supervisory. Then our exterior sales specialist talked my SASM and SM into having it where I’m doing 20hrs a week working with him, doing presale stuff. Then my SASM’s conference call talked about keeping an install coordinator position. Doing what I’m doing now, managing the specialists on making sure that things are ordered/pulled, arranging the deliveries of installs, keeping the install bays organized.

So right now, I have no idea what is going to happen to me.

To balance all the stress from work, as I run around freaking out. Both my SASM and my SM thanked me for what I do. My SASM stated that they wouldn’t be getting through it without me. That they depend on me.
So that felt good. Because I just feel like I can’t keep up and that I’m falling behind.

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