Door to Door Bullies?

A few months ago we saw a story on the local news about how 8 solicitors in the Hillsboro area (I think) were arrested after making threats to people who said “no” to them so that story was on my mind from the start as I go over this.

We have had solicitors come to our door many times over the years, mostly in Florida where we actually had a woman barge her way past me into our house when I opened the door to see who it was, I mean quite literally she pushed past me and walked 5’ to Pauline and handed Pauline her card as I stood there thinking “What the fuck just happened?”, of course when we told her we wasn’t interested in her wares she gave us attitude but whatever.

The vast majority of the solicitors in Florida were Mormons who I got to deal with too many times since I worked from home and Pauline didn’t, so I would guess at least once a month I got a new Mormon coming to my door which after 4 or 5 times I just ended up yelling at them from my office to go away and leave me alone.

We currently live on the very Eastern edge of Gresham in the Powell Valley area, it’s a fairly nice area, new homes etc, but it’s sort of in middle of “nowhere” as homes go since the city boundaries end less than a block from us, so I wouldn’t expect having many solicitors coming to us. How wrong I was.

About 2 months ago some dude rings our bell and starts off with “Hey dude, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by yadda yadda yadda…” in a tone that made me think I know this guy, or at least he knows me so I am trying to think who is this guy talking to me like he’s my buddy until I look behind him and see a “meat wagon” so I cut him off from his babbling and asked “What do you want” which he says he has some meat to sell.

Ok, honestly, I have never heard of a door to door meat salesman before so this was new and kinda weird but that is what Portland (area) is about isn’t it?

I POLITELY tell him no thanks and please don’t come back, he utters something I didn’t really hear so whatever, I close the door and go back to my business.

About a month later the door bell rings  and I open the door expecting to see a friend of ours a 6’4” 220 lb black man and instead I see a 5’8” 200 lb white guy…. So imagine my surprise as I stood there thinking “WTF”…

Than I have the biggest case of déjà vu ever, so I am standing there “stunned” for a few seconds since I was expecting someone else, and I was in such a deep sense of déjà vu I wasn’t sure what was happing, I hear this dude who looked all too familiar tell me… “Hey dude, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by yadda yadda yadda…”

It took about 10 seconds to realize this is the same guy who I just told last month not to come back, and he was giving me the exact same speech he gave me last time. So I again cut him off and said “Dude, stop, you was just here a few weeks ago and I am still not interested and I said do not come back, so stop coming here.

He gets all sarcastic with me and goes off with “oh I was here before was I? When?” which I told him a few weeks ago and again to stop coming and I close the door rather irritated and turn around to go upstairs and I hear him talking shit to me through a closed door.

I open the door and asked him to repeat what he said and all he says “Have a nice day sir” which I tell him that is not what he said and we exchange words for a few minutes and it gets rather heated. I asked him “YOU COME TO MY HOME UNINVITED AND GIVE ME ATTITUDE????” And it got even more heated which I just told him if he wanted to make a move, I am right here, that is when he realized my button has been pushed as far as it will be pushed and started to walk away, I was pretty pissed.

He’s walking away, still talking shit to me when I notice his driver trying to stare me down so I asked him “Would you like to join this conversation?” and he flips me some shit and the other guy gets in and they start to leave when I tell them “why don’t you get a real job and stop bothering people at home” which causes the driver to get out and he pops off “I make $1000 a week, what do you make?” at which I laugh at him and they go away.

So I think this time, they will remember me and will not want to come back and I won’t be bothered by them again….

Again, how wrong I was.

Today, the doorbell rings, I go down and answer it and it’s a different dude with a different truck, but same BS line “Hey dude, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by yadda yadda yadda…”

WTF? Is this the company policy to say this to everyone?

I cut him off and being polite but stern and I tell him he is the 3rd person in less than 2 months to come here and I’m sick of it, take us off your route. He gets all pissed off and starts giving me attitude which I laugh and said “yeah, that’s the same BS the last guy tried, that won’t work with me, so go away and don’t ever come back and tell all your buddies to leave us alone.” I close the door as he talks more shit to me.

I get upstairs and realize this is bullshit, so fuck it, I grab my phone and wallet and I call the police to report this and I jump in my jeep and I track them down a block away as they was bothering another house, I give the description of the van, of the guys, tell them the past problems, the name of the company “4 seasons food” (nothing shows up on Google) and license plate number, since I parked right next to them I’m sure they know who I was talking to as I was letting them flip me off and try and stare me down as I laugh and tell the dispatcher what they are doing, I tell them where we was and fallowed them to the next house where they was clearly very pissed and talking to each other on what they should do now.

The dispatcher takes my report and tells me they have had an increase of complaints over aggressive solicitors so they will be sending a patrol car out to look into this. I hang up and come home and immediately Google “No Solicitors” signs, I find a nice red and white one for $8.99 and start to buy it when I get to the shipping which is $9.99….. Um…. it’s 3″x6″ and flat…

Fuck That… I made my own and hung it next to the doorbell.

Sheesh….

How Do I Feel?: bitchy