Texting with mom other day. Dawned on me that I’ve never fully explained why I can’t stand Indiana and other midwest red states like them. If it wasn’t for family there, I would never return.
I grew up on Army Posts…..I was use to growing up in a multicultural mix. My grade school years, living on APG, MD, being white, I was the minority in our housing and in school. We had Latinos…Cuban, Mexican, Puerto Rican…..we had Asians….Korean, Vietnamese….but mostly I grew up with African-Americans.
Like most military families, you create your own family with the military. My aunts & uncles were black…we were in military life together.
I knew that racism existed, I was reminded it of it when we visited family in Indiana and my grandfather would use the n-word and other horrible terms for anyone not white or christian. Everything that my parents taught me never to use.
But growing up in Maryland, I didn’t feel it that bluntly.
I always thought it was the innocent of youth, but the more I reflect back on it, it was probably more of my white privilege not to see the racism that was existing…..the existing tensions. Even though my best friends were people of color…..even though rumors of the KKK activity scared us.
Moved to Alaska my middle school years, with a 1-2 months in Indiana in between, as my dad went on ahead to get housing ready for us to join him at Ft Wainwright.
Not as culturally mixed as Maryland, but still not all white…..you still had a multicultural. I think, for us, it may have been more to do with rank. Housing it divided by rank and dad had become a NCO, a Master Sgt….when he was lower enlisted our housing was more multicultural. Even though I started to feel more of the differences/division between the races, even though my best friend was black.
She would tell me of horror stories of living in Texas, how she couldn’t cross the tracks to the other side of town because she was black. I had such a hard time comprehending it.
One set of my grandparents had come up to Alaska, it was one of the few states that they hadn’t been to. During that time, for the first time in years, I was exposed to my grandfather’s racism. I loved my grandfather, but hated that about him. I finally wasn’t scare of him (he had a horrible temper and it use to scare me), and he said the n-word one too many times. And I went off on him about it (my best friend had just left, when he used that term), I was so mad. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but let him know in no certain terms that saying that word around me was not acceptable.
What I really took away from that day, is that my parents backed me up and said that I was not raised to use that word or find it acceptable. I rarely heard that word in my presence from him after that.
Then we ended up in Indiana. I fully understand why we ended there…..even though I didn’t want to be there.
Both set of grandfathers had strokes, my uncle was dying of AIDs and was going to move back to Indiana so we can take care of him. One set of grandparents were about to lose everything before they can get any help. You do what you have do for family, and with dad retiring from the Army, it is what we were going to do….we were in the best position to help. But I did not want to be in that state.
The 1-2 months of being at that Jr HS between moves from MD to AK convinced me that I didn’t want to be there. It was all white and no orchestra.
It was huge shock to my system when I was 15 when we moved there. I’ve never seen so many white people in my life in one place. And the town was only 20miles south of Gary, where my dad had been born, but it was another world….a very racist world.
Kids in that school used the n-word freely, teachers didn’t do damn thing about it. I learned more racist terms in that school then anywhere else. I never knew there was so many racist terms.
Some guys in english class, used the n-word more times then I was able to handle and I exploded. The door to the class was open, so down the hall, people heard me tell them that I’ve known more blacks then whites, have gotten stabbed in the back by whites more then blacks, and I’ve meet more n-word people in this class then I ever did living with black people.
The class was shocked into quiet, the teacher just looked at me and smiled and people learned quickly not use those terms around me unless they wanted to be punched….which I did as hard as I could.
Due to all that, I’ve never felt comfortable being with all whites. I like it where I go shopping that there is a mix of different people….different languages…. Latinos, blacks, muslims….I feel more at home
**The more I think about it, the more I think it is because when with all white groups, there is going to be a few racists who then assume that you believe the same way and feel free to say the most racist shit……ggrrrr
When I went to college, the majority of my history and political science classes were women studies and African-American studies….I had to expand my mind, get away from the narrow mindness that is the midwest.
My folks believe in god, more spiritual…church wasn’t a focus. Dad is a recovering catholic, when I asked him why we weren’t raised catholic (all of my cousins were), he stated because they rule on guilt and control, they don’t celebrate their beliefs.
Mom used to read the Xmas store on Xmas eve. When visiting our grandparents, I went to lutheran services with one grandmother and catholic services with the other. I would take the “bible bus” that picked up kids in MD to go to church….looking back, I dogged a big bullet…it was pentecostal.
So I was christian….but not a regular church goer. I would’ve become atheist regardless…..but Indiana pushed me quicker then it would’ve came to me.
Living in Indiana, also taught me, how hateful “christians” are. They couldn’t be good “christians” until they “judge” you and find you lacking. They believed that gays deserved to die of AIDs…..I’ve never meet such a hateful group of people.
This is the late 80s/90s when AIDs was exploding to the forefront.
They hated people that thought differently, expressed individuality, who dared to be different……a girl/woman who demanded control of their own bodies….who didn’t believe in their bigotry/racism.
With what I dealt with in Indiana…..you can see why I’m still surprised I married a white guy from Indiana…lol But what really got us together was that we shared same beliefs on racism, sexism and religion
My folks, my not have always understood or agreed with my sister and my decisions, but they have always accepted and loved us. What I was taught that being christian was suppose to be……not what I saw in the midwest.
I know that this just doesn’t exist in the midwest, but when I see the fascist laws they are passing, there is no way I would ever move to a place where I can’t be myself. Living there for 15yrs was more then enough for me.
